Reflection

UPDATE on NYE: The head count as of when we went to bed last night was 5 heads all night and one or possibly two? popping by. Now we're at 9 heads all night and one or two popping by. I had food and alky for the 5 of us. Now I've got to figure something out for 9!


Everyone is writing reflection posts or resolution posts. My year was pretty tame. I don't have much of interest. I worked all year, didn't take the summer off. Got an inheritance from my Aunt who passed away. Bought a new car and some furniture. Went on vacation to Texas in said new car. Had a great time. Came back, continued working. Started blogging and started commenting. Am enjoying the network of friends and support when needed. Am enjoying the ability to pour my heart out and not be judged. Bought a house. Something I've always wanted and needed to make me to feel like a complete, successful person. Had a birthday. Nothing new. Went to Baltimore, an amazing city that I can't wait to go back to. Merry Christmas full of lame presents and the rat dog. Presents just get lamer as you get older. (Is lamer a word?) New Years Eve will be really laid back and full of horrible Kung Fu Movies and hopefully Knocked up or The Big Lebowski and drinking and Euchre. All in all, it was a pretty good year. My husband and I had some really rough times, but we love each other and we'll make it work. I've found myself actually wanting to be pregnant and found Noah much more receptive to this thought than ever before. We're not rich, but we're pretty stable. We've got the money to buy the things we want. If there was a huge problem or emergency, we'd be pretty screwed, but we put money back and we spend what we want.

I hope the new year brings new friends and closer relationships with the old ones. I hope I get things worked out with my parents. I'm an only child and have never felt so distant from them. It hurts. I want to get some of our debt paid off, and hopefully we'll finally get the rest of the inheritance and I can do that. And secretly, (ie. I hope Noah doesn't read my blog) I hope a mistake happens. I know that while we are financially stable enough for us, a child would make it difficult but I know we would make it. I know that Noah has dreams and hopes for his future and a child would probably hinder that in some way. But secretly, I hope for an accident. I would never do it on purpose but maybe, even will all our precautions, something will happen. And if it doesn't, I'm fine with that too. Mostly, I want to have another tame year full of love and happiness.

New Years Eve?

So I'm not sure that New Years Eve is going to be the way fun party I had planned. I invited a crap ton of people and so far....oh that's right, three people. Yes my friends, three people. (Michelle, it's fine...I'm not irritated with you, I promise! And now that you've read this, you may not want to come. I am OK with that too.) What does a girl have to do to get people to come hang out! I'm making appetizer type foods and providing free booze. When did the days of "Free booze? I'm so there!" disappear? With our college days you say? No. Seriously? Damn. I've got nothing else to offer!

I really really want to come to NYC and meet everyone, but I have this thing attached to my hip called a husband. And my husband is like no other husband. He wants to come. He doesn't want me going by myself. I think he's really just not wanting to miss out on all the fun. But he's shy. And he'll whine about how he doesn't know anyone and anything else he can think of to whine about. But if I leave him at home, the whining will be worse. And I'm just not sure we can afford for both of us to come. I know I don't have much time to think it over b/c I'll have to buy tickets. Anyone else bringing their SO who could pretend to be interested in video games, photography, and dark beers? Anyone?

Christmas is Over

Well, Christmas is over. And this year it didn't really feel like Christmas. There's no snow, it's over 40 degrees outside and sunny. And when Christmas is in the middle of the week, it doesn't really feel right. I can't believe it's already Wednesday.

Baltimore was amazing. I think I want to move there. For real. Ave. Q was cute and funny and so true and sometimes really amazingly crude and overall great. The 84 year old man next to me sitting with his 80 year old wife seemed to enjoy themselves. They had the little earphone thingies to help them hear better and binoculars to help them see better and they were laughing up a storm. Our hotel was beautiful. The Inner Harbour area is amazing. So much to do and so much to eat in such a small location. I could have eaten all day for a month and still not eaten at all the restaurants that were available. Mmmm fresh seafood! We are definitely going to go back this summer and in three years when we're ready to leave Columbus it will be one of the places we consider.

Christmas eve with my family was not long enough. I miss my parents. I'm going to go back and stay with them Thursday and Friday to get some more time in before we all go back to work. Christmas day with Noah's family was way too long. They are always annoying and irritating. Thank goodness that's over!

Now I'm finally sitting at home, I got to sleep in this morning. Yay! We've got the little rat dog that we're dogsitting for. He's seriously annoying. And my 57lb black dog? Yeah, he's scared of the little rat dog. The little rat dog bites you when you make him do something he doesn't want to. I put him off the couch last night, yeah he bit me. I pushed him away from the door this morning, yeah he bit me. Luckily he doesn't have most of his teeth and he hasn't broken the skin, but still! I wish my dog would just bark at him already and stop skulking around, hiding behind my legs!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and is enjoying sleeping in today, although I know a lot of you had to go back to work today. I don't have to go back to work until Jan. 7th! Yay me! So if I don't have a lot to blog about...forgive me. I'm most likely watching DVD's, reading the last Harry Potter book, and generally killing brain cells.

Still at school

So I'm here. At work. With students. Again. Until 3:15. And I've just exhausted the internet.

I snuck out early last night from the program, but not early enough. I was so tired. I went home, wrapped all the presents and went to bed. Tonight we've got to pack and get ready for Baltimore and the ensueing Christmas madness.

I wish all of you travelers a safe and traffic free trip. Enjoy your family and friends and nice warm snuggly beds with people that you love. I probably won't post until after Christmas. So...Happy safe holidays!

Oh Holy Sh*t!

I usually can't get to ANY of this at school. But the other day, I noticed that I could see pictures on blogs again. And I thought to myself hmm....Then today, I accidently clicked on comments on Michelle's blog and guess what? The crazy school computer blocking bitch who lives in my computer didn't say I couldn't read the comments. She actually let me! So I tried to leave a comment. And I can!!! And I can post!

And of course, I just have angry Kari with me today. Happy Kari won't arrive until get en route to Baltimore.

Angry Kari is very angry that she has to be at work today. She's a teacher. For a reason. She likes summers off and super long holidays. But not this year. This year we have to work until 3:15 on Friday. We get out a half hour early. Seriously? What's the point? Angry Kari has decided that she hates children this week. Because as angry as Kari is this week, apparently the children are even angrier that they have to be here and are JERKS! They have decided that since they normally don't have to be here, the normal rules don't apply. They are running around, yelling, being disrespectful. And those teachers who don't normally do their jobs? Oh right, they're REALLY not doing their jobs this week. So when you send kids out of the class for punishment, they just come right back. Gee thanks. If I wanted to see their smiling little faces, I woudln't have sent them to you in the first place! Angry Kari is also angry that she has to not only be here this week, but also attend a stupid after school gathering for parents that the principal isn't even attending! Seriously? Oh wait, I know how we can make this horrible week better. Let's stay after school for three and a half hours and entertain parents! Awesome.

Sorry everyone. I'm very cranky. Forgive me.

Thanks!

Thank you all for your opinions. You reinforced what I already thought. I think if the red cardigan were shorter, it would look better but it's not. Plus the first one is way fun, I just didn't know if it was dressy enough.

I only have three days of school left this week and I don't know if I can make it. I really really don't. The kids are off the walls, I have this never ending headache, and I can't seem to sleep at night. Ugh. Plus I've gots lots of stress. With Christmas and buying a new house, money is super tight. Super tight. And my in-law family is made up of horrible mean people who don't like me and don't miss any opportunity to belittle me.

Baltimore can't get here soon enough.

What do you think?

Ok, I am in need of opinions, which I KNOW we all have in abundance! Please be honest.

I picked this outfit for the Ave. Q show in Baltimore on Saturday. What do we think? (please ignore the no makeup pasty face...I think I'll flat iron my hair super straight and not sure on earrings or other jewelry yet but other than that...) (also note, the dress has cute little pockets down towards the bottom and is t-shirt material so will travel well)

This is option number two. The dress is strapless, also t-shirt material with pleats in the skirt and lace at the bottom. Again, ignore the no makeup pasty face and I don't know what I would do about jewelry yet.

Thank you for your help in this o so pressing matter :)

I got Nothin'

Just wanted to say that I've had a great weekend. Enjoyed shopping with Michelle today. Can't believe it's only 8 days until Christmas and I still have two gift cards to get. My kitchen and living room are reasonably clean. I'm super excited to go to Baltimore this weekend. I know Noah and I will have a chance to talk a lot of things out on our drive. We really have the best conversations in the car. I mean, he proposed to me in the car so....

Anyway....5 days and counting until school is out for two weeks. 6 days and counting until Baltimore. 8 days and counting until Christmas. I'm going to make it.

I don't explain myself well

I don't think I fully explained myself in my last post. I appreciate the concerns and comments, I really do, and I am fully willing to compromise. And maybe it's because you guys can see things more clearly from the outside looking in, but I don't really see a compromise.

Noah is a dreamer. What he wants to do with his life changes every five minutes. I knew this when I married him. It's part of what I love about him. It's also the big part of what's bothering me right now.

He wants to move out of the state of Ohio. I don't. I want to be near my family. But this is a compromise that I have made. I have agreed to move out of state after my student loans are cancelled in about three years. I asked that we choose a state where we know someone because I am not quite as adventurous as DS and am really afraid of not knowing anyone and starting completely from scratch.

He wants to be a photographer. I support that. We bought over $10,000 in camera equipment and spent a ton more on prints. I encourage him to sell prints and helped him get stuff together for a show. I even pushed him really hard into his current job in a professional photo house here in Cbus.

The biggest problem is that he wants to go back to school. But he doesn't know what for. It changes daily. And we just bought a house. A pretty expensive house. We're not living outside our means, but it's pretty darn close. We can't afford for him to quit his job and go back to school full time. Especially when the degree that he wants is going to require 2 years w/out a job, moving out of state, and then possibly have to move to yet another state where he can get an unpaid internship for another two years and then from all the research I've done, it will be another five years before he makes any money as a photographer. So...here's where I don't see a compromise. I'm sure this makes me sound like a bitch, but I'm not willing to put my life on hold for up to 12 years. And I'm not going to be stupid enough to bring a child into this world that we can't afford. It just sucks. And I don't see a compromise. Most things I will compromise on, and even though I said I'm extremely selfish, he has a mental health issue that BB can relate to and so on most things that aren't terribly important to me, I let him have his way. For instance, our entire house is painted and decorated in his taste b/c we don't have the same taste and according to him, my taste is bad. But it's not important enough for me to argue about. My life though, my future, that is important to me. And I am going to argue and advocate for myself. I have to or risk losing my husband. I'm a very strong willed woman and I'm not going to sacrifice the really important things in life, like kids, to my husband's dreamer/unrealistic ideas.

If you stop reading me, I'm sorry. I love that I'm meeting new people and making friends on here. I love the support. But this is a really really important issue for me and this blog is a place for me to vent and "talk" things out. When I have a problem, I call a friend and talk it out. This is my way of talking it out. I love my husband and I have no intention of leaving him. And I appreciate all the suggestions to compromise. But I don't see a compromise here.

Conflicted

I feel very conflicted right now. I'm trying to sort things out.

My husband told me last night that he doesn't want to be ordinary. I asked him to define ordinary and it's exactly what I DO want out of life. I want to own a nice home, drive a nice car, go to a job that I don't hate, have 2.4 kids, a dog, and a cat and be financially stable. He wants to travel and be someone that people will miss when he dies. I asked him, did he not think that I and our friends would miss him when he was gone? Was that not enough. He said no. I think he has a very skewed view of what he wants out of life. I don't think he realizes that 1 in 1,000 gets to be a professional photographer and only like 5 out of that small group of people gets to be a well known photographer. I'm not trying to knock his dreams, I think dreams are great, but I also need him to be realistic out of life. I'm really afraid that he's going to resent me one day. That's how his parent's relationship is. His mom married his dad and has "ruined his life" and kept him from doing the things he wanted to do out of life and his parents, although still married, don't exactly like each other let alone love each other. I don't want that for us. I don't want him to resent me and feel like I held him back from his dreams. But I'm selfish enough to want my dreams too. Lately I feel like our dreams are incompatible. One of us is going to have to give up what they want. And knowing me, it'll be him who gives up. I have a tendancy to steam roll right over him and he has a tendancy to not stick up for himself. That's not fair that he gives up his dreams, but I don't think his dreams are realistic, and honestly they are ever changing, so what do I do? I don't want to put my life on hold because he can't figure out what to do with his. God I'm a selfish cow. But even knowing that, I can't stop myself from doing selfish things and getting what I want.

O Christmas Tree

This is our pretty Christmas tree. I got 'nuthin else 'cept yay for Happy Hour with new friends, boo on bills, and t-minus 8 days until school is out.

Also, how do I manage to WAY overspend? In all seriousness I shouldn't be allowed anywhere near our money anytime soon. I'm so mad at myself right now!!!

Oh...and the roof is fixed. Some idiot thought it would be a good idea to put a drain spout over where the snow needs to melt off. But at least it was a relatively cheap fix. The dog is doing fine. He gets his stitches out next Thursday.

Seriously?

We were supposed to take my grandparents out to lunch for my grandpa's birthday right? Yeah, so we get up this morning to finish cleaning up before they get here and I walk into the kitchen, start unloading the dishwasher, and realize that my countertop is flooded with water and water is currently dripping out of my cupboards. Seriously? Did the dog not just have a huge vet bill that I haven't managed to pay yet? Do I really need this right now? The correct answer is NO. My roof is leaking. Great. Noah and his dad seem to think they can fix it. That's what they've been working on for the last...I don't know....4 hours? Right.

Friday

Yay it's Friday!!!

Satchel is doing better. If he gets through the weekend, he should be Ok. He's feeling pretty perky, although he likes to play for our sympathy and pretend he's sicker than he is. Yesterday I'm panicking b/c the dog won't get up off the floor and his stitches were bleeding a little. I call my mother in law b/c she has a mini van which is MUCH easier to get a 60lb dog who isn't allowed to jump in and out of and she came over to help me get him to the vet. She comes to the door and he leaps up and runs to the door to greet her. Jerk. Anywho...he's doing much better and will hopefully make it through the weekend just fine!

This week kind of sucked. We should have had a snow day Wednesday b/c, seriously, it took me 45 minutes to get to work. It normally takes me 10 minutes. Yeah. That sucked. But I love the pretty pretty snow! We had more snow today and I was hoping for a snow day but we didn't get one. And honestly, the roads were not bad. The kids are really rowdy b/c they can't go outside so...they're being stinkers.

My grandparents are coming over tomorrow. We're going to take my Grandpa out to lunch for his birthday. I'm excited for them to see our decorations.

Um....that's it! I'm spending money on myself when I really shouldn't b/c it's Christmas. We figured out what to get my grandparents, now we just have to go get it. We still need to figure out Noah's mom. I can't wait to hang out with Michelle when she gets back from CA. BB needs to come visit. So...yeah...have a good weekend!

Satchel Update

Well Satchel had surgery today. He had some sort of twine or thick brown string that had tied off his intestines near the top and then gone down through as his body tried to digest it. The vet said she did her best and she thinks she got all the string out and didn't nick anything while she was doing it but we won't know if he's going to be OK for about three days. I'm bringing him home tonight and then he's going back to the vet tomorrow so he can be under constant supervision for the first 24 hours. I can't figure out what he might have eaten. I seriously have no idea. I've looked all around the house. I don't use twine for anything. There was some wrapped around the Christmas tree when we brought it home, but it's all in the basement which he doesn't have access to. I just want my baby to be OK.

Home

I'm at home today b/c my dog is sick. My puppy is my baby. He's like my child. He was vomiting from about 8:00 on last night and into this morning. I called in sick and took him to the vet. She's keeping him today to see what's wrong. He gets so upset when we go to the vet. He trembles and tries to yank away. Today was worse b/c when he's sick he only wants me. He really really wants to be with me when he's sick, so when the vet tech tried to take his leash he freaked out on her.

Everyone is writing about their holidays so...I thought I'd share mine. Noah and I are dorks and already gave each other our christmas presents. I know I know...it's barely December. He got me tickets in Baltimore to see Avenue Q. I'm super psyched. So i'll get out half hour early Friday Dec. 21st and go home and pack. Saturday we'll get up at the butt crack of dawn and drive to Baltimore. Check into our hotel, go out for a fancy shmancy dinner, then go to the show. Stay overnight, hopefully get up in time to go to the art museum and the harbor and then drive back to Columbus. Here we will pick up our Christmas presents and the dog we're dogsitting for and drive to Greenville. Spend the night with my parents, get up, go to the VFW for the oyster supper with my Dad's Dad, drive to my mom's parent's house and spend Christmas Eve with her family, then drive back to Columbus in time to read The Night Before Christmas with Noah's parents, and then get up and spend Christmas day with them. It's a lot of driving and I wish I got to spend more time with my family. Usually I do, but b/c of the play we won't get there until almost Christmas Eve. I'll probably go back later and spend a couple days with them before school is back in session.

Also, update on the Christmas present status...I only have Noah's mom and my grandparents to go. Everyone else is checked off the list! Whoo hoo!!! And wrapped and under the tree might I add :)