Happy Thanksgiving!

I wrote a long post that was then deleted. Thanks blogger. Will rewrite tomorrow. As of now, I'm late for happy hour!

Meh

I'm just mopey and whiney in general. I really hurt my back raking leaves and I need to see a chiropractor but I can't until Monday so...it's going to a a long weekend. It hurts to move...walk, sit up, cross my legs...pretty much move in general. And it's going to be a long weekend. I really want to take tomorrow off but I can't afford it. Ugh. (I think Ugh is my new favorite word. sad really)

When it rains, it pours

Seriously. Everything goes wrong at the same time.

Things are still not good at school. I think I'm a nice person. I really do. But I don't always know how what I'm saying sounds to other people. I apparently said something that came across as condescending to another staff member today and she was really upset. Well that really upset me b/c I LOVE this staff member. She's awesome and it really upset me that I hurt her feelings. So we had to talk it out and fix it. And I cried. Ugh. I feel so overwhelmed by my job this year. There is too much going on and I can't possibly get to everyone. I just can't. And so the teachers are mad at me b/c I'm not everywhere at once and their kids are a problem. So I feel bad. Ugh.

Also, we keep spending money like it's nothing but it is. And it's going to catch up with us. But I'm not going to panick yet b/c it's Christmas and that's always a hard time to save any money and we just bought a house and moved so some of our bills are coming in twos right now.

Also, I did something incredibly embarassing last night in my sleep. And I just can't bring myself to tell anyone but....it was bad. And embarassing.

Also, I can't find boots. I have fat a** calves and nothing fits me. If it fits my calves, then it like bags around my ankles. And if it's leather like I want, I can't afford it. Ugh.

Sorry. I feel like everything is going wrong at the same time. I'm whiney. Forgive me.

Family

So I've finally said it out loud. My family, which is one of the most important things in my life, doesn't really care about me the way I want them to. I have made Noah stay in Ohio b/c I wanted to be within driving distance of my family so they could come see us and we could go see them. But...yeah, they never come see us. We've lived in Columbus for three and a half years almost. They have come to Columbus exactly 5 times to see us. And numerous other times they have come, they haven't even called or stopped by. It's been a lousy day and I know that finally admitting that last night was part of it. It's hard to realize that they can't be bothered to make time for me. So I guess there's really no reason for me to stay in Ohio or anywhere close. They are selfish and ask me not to move too far away, but they never take advantage of the fact that I'm less than two hours away. So...get ready for talk of moving. If not in the next couple of years, definitely in four years.

And I'm going to change schools. I was going to stay at Douglas for the rest of my "time" with CCS. I need to stay with them for at least five years to get my loans cancelled. The problem is, no one seems to know if I have to stay at the district for five years or the school for five years. There's a big difference. But I can't take this anymore. My principal spreads rumors and twists words around. He enjoys making people upset with each other. I'm sick of being his target. I'm sick of it. I don't know what I did but I can't live like this. I spend eight hours of my day at school. I spend 8 more hours sleeping and at least 2 getting ready for work and driving to and from work. That's a total of 18 hours out of a 24 hour day gone to sleep and work. I am literally miserable there. Completely and totally. I can't say anything without it being twisted around. And there's nothing I can go to the union about because there's no concrete examples. It's all gossip so there's nothing in writing or anything. I just really want to stay home and sleep for the eight hours I'm supposed to be at work. But I can't. I really want to take another mental health day. But I can't. CCS doesn't give you maternity leave. You have to use your sick days and if you run out of sick days, you have to be without pay. I don't want to have a kid anytime soon, but I only get 15 days a year. Most teachers are off for at least 6 weeks for maternity leave. If I never used any days, I would only have enough after 3 years. Ugh. I feel so trapped.

Strange

I am jealous of my friends when they are pregnant and when they have babies, but I DEFINITELY don't want their life. I don't want kids right now, I just want to be pregnant. Weird.

What to do...

I'm not really sure I have anything to say this time....I always think of things to blog about at school where I can't access the page. Then by the time I come home I've forgotten what I wanted to write about!

I went shopping Saturday. We were supposed to be Christmas shopping but that didn't happen. We didn't find anything that we liked to give people. So...we spent the money we set aside on ourselves. I bought some just "hanging out" clothes at forever 21 and H & M. I always buy things that Noah says are too dressy for hanging out so this time I made an effort to buy longsleeve t-shirts and more relaxed stuff. I am wearing one of my new shirts today :) It makes me happy. I think I'll wear another one tomorrow... :) Shopping almost always cheers me up. Spending money makes me feel better. And it's totally not a good idea now that we bought a house. Before we bought the house we could pretty much spend as we pleased and still get money back in savings every month. Now, we can barely get any money in savings and if we spend as we please, we end up taking it out. That is something I definitely don't want to see happen. Especially with Christmas right around the corner. Not cool yo.

So...I've got to be better about my spending. Seriously. And stop going out to eat so much. And still figure out something cool for this weekend...yeah, right.

Stupid birth control...

After crying for hours last night for no known reason, I've decided that I'm depressed. Either for lots and lots of reasons, or as a side effect of my birth control. I really really don't like the way I've been feeling. It's hard to pinpoint it b/c school started right about the time I started taking my birth control and the emotional rollercoaster started about a month or so after school started so...it could be either stress and the fact that I really don't like my job this year or it could be the hormones. Either way it's got to stop so....after tomorrow I am officially off the birth control for three months to see if it helps. So....fingers crossed that we don't accidentally get pregnant! That would NOT be funny.

Lots of not so fun things on tap for this weekend. Birthday party tonight but I really don't want to go, taking down the tree in the backyard tomorrow, and installing our microwave (a month after it was delivered) Sunday. And planning for Thanksgiving dinner! And taking Halloween decorations down. Bye Halloween...I will miss you!