What I really want is to go into school every morning and do my job. What I really want is to not have to deal with liars and fake people. What I get instead is rumor spreading, gossiping, and outright lieing.
I admit that I have lied in the past. I admit that I am not a perfect teacher. Sometimes I lose my temper and there are children that I flat out don't like. But the thing that is my trigger, and I know this, is when children are downright disrespectful and they can't be approached or talked to about it. We have at least two children, but these two are in the same family, who are beyond reaching. They are just out and out bad children. They were raised by their parents to be this way, so you can't really blame them but it doesn't mean that I have to like them or pretend that they are able to be saved/fixed/whatever you want to call it. These children are going to end up as drug dealers or in jail just like their parents. I admit that I lost my temper when one of these children stormed out of the breakfast room when I was trying to talk to them (in a nice tone of voice) while they made comments about how much they hated me and didn't want to listen to me and didn't have to listen to me. I told them that I was going to write them up after like three warnings about them coming back to talk to me. Well my bad luck that this horrible child's mother happened to be there at the same time. This woman is truly straight up g-hetto hoochie hood rat. Seriously. She left her crack pipe in the classroom when her child was in kindergarten and actually had the nerve to come back for it! She starts yelling at me telling me how she's going to beat me up and stuff right in front of the other children in the breakfast room. I calmly tell her that if she would like to speak to the principal she's welcome to. She finally finally leaves after making a HUGE scene. Today she goes in to talk to the principal and so after she leaves he wants to talk to me. He starts telling me that I was rude to her and she said that I was racist and don't know how to talk to black children and blah blah. He makes her sound like a coherant, reasonable person. Which she's not. Any person who threatens to beat up a teacher is not a reasonable person. She is not capable of these types of coherant thought. Then he proceeds to tell me that other staff members said that I was rude to her. I'm like are you kidding? So...my principal has been known to lie and gossip in the past. So I decide I'm going to go confront these staff members about what they said. Not in a confrontational manner, but just to find out like if I really was rude b/c I truly believe in my heart that I was polite. Not nice. Polite. This staff member, who I don't really care for, said that she hadn't said anything like that b/c she wasn't even in the room when the situation occurred so how could she know if I was rude or not? And as much as I don't particularly like her, I looked her in the eye when she said that and I believe her. Now tell me why my principal is making stuff up, trying to instigate a situation. Why does he feel it necessary to drive wedges in between people? I do not understand. I truly do not understand. Because I would never do anything like that. I don't instigate. Not anymore. I used to, I admit, but I grew up and I don't do it anymore. I don't even like going into school anymore b/c I don't know what he's saying or who he's saying it to. And I don't feel like I can trust him with anything b/c he twists things around.
Situations like today really really make me want to teach in a rural school. I know that there would not be hood rat hoochie mamas coming in high to confront a teacher in, say London or Greenville Ohio. It doesn't happen. You get the random parent that doesn't take care of their children, but it's not because they are high or have spent their money on drugs. And the kids are different too. They aren't in gangs in fifth grade and they don't come to school talking about how they don't have to listen to the white teachers. I chose Columbus City Schools because I liked the kids that I work with and I felt that it was an important place for me to be where I could really make a difference. But then parents, administrators, and situations like today really make me question what I'm doing. And I'm not racist. Just for the record. I dated a black man, I have black friends, I don't look at someone's race and make a judgement (bad hair or bad shoes yes, but race no). But there are certainly a lot of people, black/white/or otherwise, who look at me and make a judgement right away b/c I am white and young they assume that I can't possibly be a good teacher. And I've come to realize that some stereotypes are true...for whites, blacks, and any other race. There really are hoodrat hoochie mamas and volvo station wagon driving crackers.
But the point is, I want to go to work and do my job which is to teach childen math, reading, science, social studies, as well as life skills such as respect and how to solve our differences. And yes, I am a strict teacher. I admit that. But there is a difference between being strict and being mean. And I am not mean. I don't pick on kids for the fun of it but if your child is constantly in trouble there is a reason. And maybe it's you or your child. And maybe you should teach your child some responsability instead of always blaming someone else.
I want to confront my principal but I know it won't help. He'll just deny it and then go spread some gossip about me. Ugh. How am I going to deal with this man for the next two and a half possibly three and a half years?