Family

So I've finally said it out loud. My family, which is one of the most important things in my life, doesn't really care about me the way I want them to. I have made Noah stay in Ohio b/c I wanted to be within driving distance of my family so they could come see us and we could go see them. But...yeah, they never come see us. We've lived in Columbus for three and a half years almost. They have come to Columbus exactly 5 times to see us. And numerous other times they have come, they haven't even called or stopped by. It's been a lousy day and I know that finally admitting that last night was part of it. It's hard to realize that they can't be bothered to make time for me. So I guess there's really no reason for me to stay in Ohio or anywhere close. They are selfish and ask me not to move too far away, but they never take advantage of the fact that I'm less than two hours away. So...get ready for talk of moving. If not in the next couple of years, definitely in four years.

And I'm going to change schools. I was going to stay at Douglas for the rest of my "time" with CCS. I need to stay with them for at least five years to get my loans cancelled. The problem is, no one seems to know if I have to stay at the district for five years or the school for five years. There's a big difference. But I can't take this anymore. My principal spreads rumors and twists words around. He enjoys making people upset with each other. I'm sick of being his target. I'm sick of it. I don't know what I did but I can't live like this. I spend eight hours of my day at school. I spend 8 more hours sleeping and at least 2 getting ready for work and driving to and from work. That's a total of 18 hours out of a 24 hour day gone to sleep and work. I am literally miserable there. Completely and totally. I can't say anything without it being twisted around. And there's nothing I can go to the union about because there's no concrete examples. It's all gossip so there's nothing in writing or anything. I just really want to stay home and sleep for the eight hours I'm supposed to be at work. But I can't. I really want to take another mental health day. But I can't. CCS doesn't give you maternity leave. You have to use your sick days and if you run out of sick days, you have to be without pay. I don't want to have a kid anytime soon, but I only get 15 days a year. Most teachers are off for at least 6 weeks for maternity leave. If I never used any days, I would only have enough after 3 years. Ugh. I feel so trapped.