A while?

I haven't blogged in awhile but that's OK b/c nobody but me reads these anyway :) My cookout was a bummer. I wanted more people to be there and for it to be more fun. Ah well. I am cooking once a week for my friends again. I love to cook. We're having enchiladas this week. Yum. My husband and I got into a huge fight. Sometimes I feel like I'm invisible behind him. It sucks. I can't be myself and I don't find myself in our house anywhere. He makes most of the decisions. We had a blow out about it. I think things are going to be OK. We're getting to be able to feel normal again so that's a plus. We are going to try to buy our condo in like october when the money gets here and then it's going to be a mad rush to get everything on the kitchen completed before thanksgiving! we will be super busy and it will probably take a couple days off work plus all our weekends to get it done. although it will be super nice when it's done.

I just don't feel like myself anymore. I know that I'm a nice person, but this shit with my so called best friend has really gotten to me. The shame of it is, it hasn't gotten to them at all. Ugh. I just don't really know who I am anymore. I don't know how I like to dress or what I like to listen to or what I like at all anymore. I have to figure all that out. My husband says I'm having a quarter life crisis. Maybe I am. Myabe we did get married too young and maybe I finished with school and started my career too young. Who knows. But I do not give up on my marriage that easily so we will try to work things out. We will keep trying and we will make it work. I love my husband, we can do this.

Going to apply for a new job. Wish me luck. I'm totally unqualified but I really want it so I'm going to give it a shot. Fingers crossed!